Madonna sent word that she would keep her chamber. When I had supped and
after night had fallen I went upstairs to the library, and, shutting myself
in, I attempted to read, lighted by the three beaks of the tall brass lamp
that stood upon the table. Being plagued by moths, I drew the curtains
close across the open window, and settled down to wrestle with the opening
lines of the [Title in Greek] of Aeschylus.
But my thoughts wandered from the doings of the son of Iapetus, until at
last I flung down the book and sat back in my chair all lost in thought, in
doubt, and in conjecture. I became seriously introspective. I made an
examination not only of conscience, but of heart and mind, and I found that
I had gone woefully astray from the path that had been prepared for me.
Very late I sat there and sought to determine upon what I should do.
Suddenly, like a manna to my starving soul, came the memory of the last
talk I had with Fra Gervasio and the solemn warning he had given me. That
memory inspired me rightly. To-morrow--despite Messer Fifanti's orders--I
would take horse and ride to Mondolfo, there to confess myself to Fra
Gervasio and to be guided by his counsel. My mother's vows concerning me I
saw in their true light. They were not binding upon me; indeed, I should
be doing a hideous wrong were I to follow them against my inclinations.
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