Yet so much I cannot grant your shrewdness.
That meeting was predestined. It was written that she should come and tear
the foolish bandage from my eyes, allowing me to see for myself that, as
Fra Gervasio had opined, my vocation was neither for hermitage nor
cloister; that what called me was the world; and that in the world must I
find salvation since I was needed for the world's work.
And none but she could have done that. Of this I am persuaded, as you
shall be when you have read on.
The yearnings with which she filled my soul were very different from those
inspired by the memory of Giuliana. That other sinful longing, she
entirely effaced at last, thereby achieving something that had been
impossible to prayers and fasting, to scourge and cilice. I longed for her
almost beatifically, as those whose natures are truly saintly long for the
presence of the blessed ones of Heaven. By the sight of her I was purified
and sanctified, washed clean of all that murk of sinful desire in which I
had lain despite myself; for my desire of her was the blessed, noble desire
to serve, to guard, to cherish.
Pure was she as the pale narcissus by the streams, and serving her what
could I be but pure?
And then, quite suddenly, upon the heels of such thoughts came the
reaction.
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