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All the afternoon I was in a state of the utmost agitation, sometimes
wondering what Martin would think of the bad manners of my husband, who
after inviting him had gone away just as he was about to arrive;
sometimes asking myself, with a quiver of shame, if he would imagine
that this was a scheme of my own contriving; but oftenest remembering my
resolution of renunciation and thinking of the much fiercer fight that
was before me now that I had to receive and part with him alone.
More than once I had half a mind to telegraph to Martin putting him off,
and though I told myself that to do so would not be renunciation but
merely flight from temptation, I always knew at the bottom of my heart
that I really wanted him to come.
Nevertheless I vowed to my very soul that I should be strong--strong in
every word and look--and if Alma was daring me I should defy her, and
she would see that I should neither yield nor run away.
Thus I entrenched myself at last in a sort of bright strong faith in my
power to resist temptation.


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