. . eh?"
Our chairman had heard nothing. And when (bracing myself at last) I
asked point-blank if anything had been sent to him as from me, and he
answered "No," I might have been relieved, but I wasn't. Though I did
not know then that my darling had burnt my letter, I began to feel that
she was the last person in the world to use it, being (God bless her!)
of the mettle that makes a woman want to fight her own battles without
asking help of any one.
This quite crushed down my heart, for, seeing that she had sent no reply
to my cables, I could not find any escape from the conclusion that she
was where no word could come from her--she was dead!
Lord God, how I suffered when this phantom got into my mind! I used to
walk up and down the promenade deck late into the night, trying and
condemning myself as if I had been my own judge and jury.
"She is dead. I have killed her," I thought.
Thank God, the phantom was soon laid by the gladdest sight I ever saw on
earth or ever expect to see, and it wouldn't be necessary to speak of it
now but for the glorious confidence it brought me.
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