Awake, indeed! If only I ever get to sleep! My head aches and burns from
sheer fatigue, but I have not even thought of getting into bed yet.
For the last year I have had plenty of time to think things over, and
now I am at a loss to understand why I have done this. Suppose it is a
piece of stupidity--a carefully planned and irrevocable folly? Suppose
my irritable nerves have played a trick upon me? Suppose ... suppose ...
I feel lonely and without will power. I am frightened. But the step is
taken; and I can never turn back. I must never let myself regret it.
This constant rain gives me an icy, damp feeling down my back. It gets
on my nerves.
What shall I come to, reduced to the society of two females who have
nothing in common with me but our sex? No one to speak to, no one to
see. Jeanne is certainly attractive to look at, but I cannot converse
with her. As to Torp, she suits her basement as a gnome suits his
mountain cave. She looks as though she was made to repopulate a desert
unaided.
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