A wretched form of
amusement! But the piano makes me feel sad, and there is nothing else to
do.
Malthe's letter is still intact. I wander around it like a mouse round a
trap of which it suspects the danger. My heart meanwhile yearns to know
what words he uses.
He and I belong to each other for the rest of our lives. We owe that to
my wisdom. If he never sees me, he will never be able to forget me.
* * * * *
How could I suppose it for a single moment! There is no possibility of
remaining alone with oneself! No degree of seclusion, nor even life in a
cell, would suffice. Strong as is the call of freedom, the power of
memory is stronger; so that no one can ever choose his society at will.
Once we have lived with our kind, and become filled with the knowledge
of them, we are never free again.
A sound, a scent--and behold a person, a scene, or a destiny, rises up
before us. Very often the phantoms that come thronging around me are
those of people whose existence is quite indifferent to me.
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