Henceforth I
summoned all my will-power in order to efface the disastrous impression
caused by my attitude. I assured my future husband that what he had
mistaken for want of love was only the natural coyness of my youth. He
was only too ready to believe me. We decided to hasten the marriage, and
his delight knew no bounds.
One day I went to discuss with him some details of the marriage
settlements. We had champagne at lunch, and I, being quite unused to
wine, became very lively. Life appeared to me in a rosy light. Arm in
arm, we went over the house together. He had ordered all the lights to
be lit. At length we passed through the room that was to be our conjugal
apartment. Misled, no doubt, by my unwonted animation, and perhaps a
little excited himself by the wine he had taken, he forgot his usual
prudent reserve, and embraced me with an ardour he had never yet shown.
His features were distorted with passion, and he inspired me with
repugnance. I tried to respond to his kisses, but my disgust overcame me
and I nearly fainted.
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