He could not conscientiously
retain a position such as he held, if he had not the moral and mental
strength necessary for the discharge of its obligations. Strength of all
kinds seemed to fail him. His physical vitality was low; the health he
had gained in Madeira had been too severely taxed since his return. He
had fought bravely against the mental feebleness that was creeping
gradually over him with a paralyzing languor; but he knew he could not
bear the conflict much longer. Everything was telling against him. He
would fain have proved to his people that a man can live out a noble,
useful, Christ-like life, under crushing sorrows, and shame that was
worse than sorrow. But it was not in him to do it. He found himself
feeble and crippled, in the very thick of life's battle; and it appeared
to him that his position as rector of the parish rendered his feebleness
tenfold disastrous.
But this decay of power came slowly, though surely. By the close of his
second winter in England he felt within himself that he must quit his
country again, if he wished to live only a few years longer.
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