And in that ministry Cynthia Welwyn was his natural partner, had
indeed already stepped into the post; so that gratitude, if not passion,
would give her sooner or later all that she desired.
"Cynthia has got the boy into her hands--and Philip with him. Well, that
was natural. Shouldn't I have done the same? Why should I feel like a
jealous beast, because Cynthia has had her chance, and taken it? I won't
feel like this! It's vile!--it's degrading! Only I wish Cynthia was
bigger, more generous--because he'll find it out some day. She'll never
like me, just because he cares for me--or did. I mean, as my guardian, or
an elder brother. For it was never--no never!--anything else. So when she
comes in at the front door, I shall go out at the back. I shall have to
give up even the little I now have. Let me just face what it means.
"Yet perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps Cynthia isn't as mean-spirited as I
think.
"It's wonderful about the boy. I envy Cynthia--I can't help it. I would
have given my whole life to it. I would have been trained--perhaps
abroad.
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