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Stewart, Cal

"Uncle Josh's Punkin Centre Stories"

So I got holt of a
strap and I wuz hangin' on, when the conductor
sed "old man, you'r goin' to be in
the road thar, you'd better move up a little
further, wall I moved up a little ways and I
stepped on a feller's toe, and gee whiz, he
got madder'n a wet hen, he sed, 'can't you
see whar you'r a steppin'?" I sed, "guess
I kin, but you brought them feet in here,
and I've got to step some whar." Wall
every one begin to laff, and the conductor
sed, "old man you'r makin' too much trouble,
you'll have to move for'ard again," and
I got off 'n the gosh durned old car; I paid
him a nickel to ride, but I guess I might as
well have walked, I wuz a walkin' purty
much all the time I wuz in thar.
Wall I got onto another car, and I got
sot down, and I never laffed so much in all
my life. Up in one end of the car thar wuz
a little slim lady, and right along side of her
wuz a big fleshy lady, and it didn't look as
though the little slim lady wuz a gittin'
more'n about two cents and a half worth of
room, so finally she turned round to the
fleshy lady and sed, "they ought to charge
by weight on this line," and the big lady sed
"Wall if they did they wouldn't stop fer
you." Gosh I had to snicker right out loud.
Thar wuz a little boy a sottin' alongside
of the big lady, and three ladys got onto the
car all to onct, and thar wa'nt any place fer
'em to sot down, and so the big lady sed--
"little boy, you'd oughter git up and let one
of them ladys sot down," and the little boy
sed, "you git up and they can all sot down.


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