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Stewart, Cal

"Uncle Josh's Punkin Centre Stories"

If it's all the
same to you, Ezra, I'll take BROOMS?"
Wall, Jim Lawson fell off'n a wash-tub
and Ruben Hendricks cut his thumb with
his new jack-knife, and Deacon Witherspoon
sed: "No, Si, that baptizin' didn't
take. And Ezra--wall, it wan't his say.
----
Suspicion--Consists mainly of thinking what we
would do if we wuz in the other feller's place.
--Punkin Centre Philosophy.

Uncle Josh Plays Golf
WALL, about two weeks ago the boys sed to me,
Uncle we'd like to hav you cum out and play a
game of golf. Wall, they took me out behind
the woodshed whar mother couldn't
see us and them durned boys dressed
your uncle up in the dogondest suit of
clothes I ever had on in my life. I had on a
pair of socks that had more different colors
in 'em than in Joseph's coat. I looked like
a cross atween a monkey and a cirkus rider,
and a-goin' across the medder our turkey
gobbler took after me and I had an awful
time with that fool bird. I calculate as how
I'll git even with him 'bout Thanksgiving
time.
Wall, the boys took me into the paster,
and they had it all dug up into what they
called a "T," and they had a wheelbarrer
full of little Injun war clubs. They called
one a nibbler, and another a brassie, and a
lot of other fool names I never heerd afore,
and can't remember now.


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