Then they
brought out a little wooden ball 'bout as big
as a hen's egg, and they stuck it up on a
little hunk of mud. Then they told me to
take one of them thar war clubs and stand
alongside of the ball and hit it. Wall, I jist
peeled off my coat and got a good holt on
that war club and I jist whaled away at that
durned little ball, and by gum I missed it,
and the boys all commenced to holler "foozle."
Wall, I got a little bit riled and I whaled
away at it again, and I hit it right whar I
missed it the fust time, and I whirled round
and sot down so durned hard I sot four back
teeth to akin, and I pawed round in the air
and knocked a lot of it out of place. I hit
myself on the shin and on the pet corn at the
same time, and them durned boys wuz jist a-
rollin' round on the ground and a-hollerin'
like Injuns. Wall, I begun to git madder
'n a wet hen, and I 'lowed I'd knock that
durned little ball way over into the next
county. So I rolled up my sleeves and spit
on my hands and got a good holt on that
war club and I whaled away at that little ball
agin, and by chowder I hit it. I knocked it
clar over into Deacon Witherspoon's paster,
and hit his old muley cow, and she got
skeered and run away, jumped the fence
and went down the road, and the durned
fool never stopped a-runnin' 'til she went
slap dab into Ezra Hoskins' grocery store,
upsot four gallons of apple butter into a keg
of soft soap, and sot one foot into a tub
of mackral, and t'other foot into a box of
winder glass, and knocked over Jim Lawson
who wuz sottin' on a cracker barrel, and
broke his durned old wooden leg, and then
she went right out through the winder and
skeered Si Pettingill's hosses that wuz a
standin' thar, and they run away and smashed
his wagon into kindlin' wood' and Silas has
sued me fer damages, and mother won't
speak to me, and Jim he wants me to buy
him a new wooden leg, and the neighbors
all say as how I ought to be put away some
place fer safe keepin', and Aunt Nancy
Smith got so excited she lost her glass eye
and didn't find it for three or four days, and
when she did git it the boys wuz a-playin'
marbles with it and it wuz all full of gaps,
and Jim Lawson he trimmed it up on the
grindstane and it don't fit Nancy any more,
and she has to sort of put it in with cotton
round it to bold it, and the cotton works
out at the corners and skeers the children
and every time I see Nancy that durned eye
seems to look at me sort of reproachful like,
and all I know about playin' golf is, the feller
what knocks the ball so durned far you
can't find it or whar it does the most damage,
wins the game.
Pages:
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66