"No, suh, I ain't hab no
witnesses. When I goes chicken stealing I never hab no witnesses
aroun'."
An old colored uncle was found by the preacher prowling in his
barnyard late one night.
"Uncle Calhoun," said the preacher sternly, "it can't be good for your
rheumatism to be prowling round here in the rain and cold."
"Doctor's orders, sah," the old man answered.
"Doctor's orders?" asked the preacher. "Did he tell you to go prowling
round all night?"
"No, sah, not exactly, sah," said Uncle Cal; "but he done ordered me
chicken broth."
In times of peace Smith might have been an author who had drifted into
some useful occupation, such as that of a blacksmith, but just now he
is cook to the Blankshire officers' mess. Smith sent Murphy into the
village to bring home some chickens ordered for the mess.
"Murphy," said Smith, the next day, "when you fetch me chickens again,
see that they are fastened up properly. That lot you fetched yesterday
all got loose, and tho I scoured the village I only managed to secure
ten of them."
"Sh!" said Murphy. "I only brought six."
CHILD LABOR
SOUTHERNER--"Why are you Northerners always harping on the children
employed in Southern factories?"
NORTHERNER--"Well, for one thing, it detracts people's attention from
the children employed in ours.
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