"
I can not wear the old suit
I wore long years ago;
It's shiny at the shoulders,
My knees and elbows show.
But on investigation I
Discover this is true:
I can not wear the old suit,
Nor can I buy a new.
"Is this the hosiery department?" said the voice over the phone.
"Yes," replied the weary saleslady.
"Have you any flesh-colored stockings in stock?" asked the voice.
"Yes," replied the weary saleslady. "Whaddy ya want--pink, yellow, or
black?"
They had been poor all their lives. Then one day Uncle Oscar died,
leaving Henry a large sum of money. He cashed the check, hurried home,
and threw the whole amount in his wife's lap. "At last, my dear," he
said, "You will be able to buy yourself some decent clothes."
"I'll do nothing of the sort," sezz she. "I'll get the same kind that
other women wear."
CLUBS
"A lady, you know, rang up the club the other evening.
"'Please call my husband to--,' she began, but she was interrupted.
"'Your husband ain't here, ma'am,' said the attendant, blandly.
"'My goodness gracious me!' the lady exclaimed, 'You're mighty sure
about it, aren't you? And I haven't told you my name yet, either.
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