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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

Brown's account."
BROWN (angrily)--"Why don't you see my wife about it and not come to
me?"
DRESSMAKER--"I have, several times, but every time I call she does
nothing but order a new gown."

A young Swede in South Dakota, who had been sent out to collect bills
for the general store, returned with this report:
"Yon Brown, he say he pay when he sell his wheat; Ole Oleson, he
say he pay when he sell his oats; and Yon Yonson, he say he pay in
Yanuary."
"In January?" repeated the proprietor, surprised. "Why, he never set a
date before. Are you sure he said in January?"
"Veil, Ay tank it bane Yanuary. He say it bane dam cold day when you
get your money."

During an epidemic in a small Southern town every infected house
was put under quarantine. After the disease had been checked, an old
negress protested vigorously when the health officers started to take
down the sign on her house.
"Why, Auntie," exclaimed the officer, "why don't you want me to take
it down?"
"Well, sah," she answered, "dey ain' be'n a bill collectah neah dis
house sence dat sign went up. You-all let it alone!"

Little Andrew was playing in the yard, in which there is a coop for
his pigeons. All pigeons were inside with the exception of one which
was walking up and down in front of the door.


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