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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


"You climb down."
"Wrong!"
"You grease his sides and slide down."
"Wrong!!"
"You take a ladder and get down."
"Wrong!!!"
"Well, you take the trunk line down."
"No, not quite. You don't get down off an elephant; you get it off a
goose."


COOKERY

"So your husband kept house and cooked his own meals while you were
away. Did he enjoy it?"
"He says he did; but I notice that the parrot has learned to swear
during my absence."

"My husband has had indigestion for the past month."
"Really! I'm so sorry! I had no idea you were without a cook."

OFFICER--"Is that soup ready, Jones?"
OFFICER'S SERVANT--"No, sir, the stove went out, sir."
OFFICER--"Went out! Then why don't you light it again?"
OFFICER'S SERVANT--"'Cos it went out by the roof, sir."

"How do you like my pound cake, dearie?" asked Mrs. Newlywed.
"Why, er-er-er," stammered Mr. Newlywed, "I don't think you pounded it
enough, did you?"

She had not been married long. She made a pie for dinner. During the
meal she hesitatingly remarked to her husband:
"I think I left out something and the pie isn't very good."
After taking a bite he sadly replied:
"You are wrong, my dear! Nothing you left out could make a pie taste
like this.


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