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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"


COST OF LIVING

"He has got the first dollar that he ever earned!"
"What a bally ass! Think how much more he could have bought with it
had he spent it then!"

"She says she prefers to do her shopping by telephone."
"Why so?"
"Says she can't bear to see how little she is getting for the money."

"How's business?"
"Not too good--thanks to some dishonest rascals who are selling goods
at reasonable prices."

"Did you try the simple plan of counting sheep for your insomnia?"
"Yes, doctor, but I made a mess of it. I counted ten thousand sheep,
put 'em on the train, and shipped 'em to market. And when I'd got
through counting the money I got for them at present prices it was
time to get up."

"Father, I need a new riding habit."
"Can't afford it," he growled.
"But, father, what am I to do without a riding habit?"
"Get the walking habit."

In these days of the high cost of living the following story has a
decided point:
The teacher of a primary class was trying to show the children the
difference between the natural and man-made wonders, and was finding
it hard.
"What," she asked, "do you think is the most wonderful thing man ever
made?"
A little girl, whose parents were obviously harassed by the question
of ways and means, replied as solemnly as the proverbial judge:
"A living for a family.


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