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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"
"So I understand," said the American host, "but, then, the Chinese
don't have a Christmas the week before."

OKE--"Would you be satisfied if you had all the money you wanted?"
OWENS--"I'd be satisfied if I had all the money my creditors wanted."

MR. THURSDAY--"Our friend, Dodge, tells me that he is doing settlement
work lately."
MR. FRIDAY--"Yes, his creditors finally cornered him."

"How did Cranbury ever manage to get so deeply in debt as he is?"
"I wish I knew. I can't even stand my grocer off for more than a week
at a time."
RASTUS--"How much, boss?"
DRUGGIST--"Sixty cents and three cents war tax."
RASTUS--"Boss, Ah done thought de wah was over."
DRUGGIST--"Sure, it is, but we have to pay the debts."
RASTUS--"Boss, Ah always thought de one whut lost paid de debts. Dat's
why I fight so hard."

"I was preparing to shave a chap the other afternoon," says a head
barber. "I had trimmed his hair, and from such talk as I had had with
him I judged him to be an easy-going, unexcitable sort of fellow. But
suddenly his manner changed. Out of the corner of his eye he had seen
a man enter whose appearance upset him."
"Hurry, George!" he muttered to me. "Lather to the eyes--quick, quick!
Here comes my tailor!"

IRATE FATHER--"It's astonishing, Richard, how much money you need.


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