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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"
PATIENT--"A--A--A--Ah."
DENTIST (inserting rubber gag, towel, and sponge)--"How's your
family?"

A young man who needed false teeth wrote to a dentist ordering a set
as follows:
"My mouth is three inches acrost, five-eighths inches threw the jaw.
Some hummocky on the edge. Shaped like a hoss-shew, toe forward. If
you want me to be more particular, I shall have to come thar."

Dentist, speaking to patient about to have a tooth extracted--"Have
you heard the latest song hit?"
Patient--"No. What is the title of it?"
Dentist--"The Yanks are Coming."

Returning home from the dentist's, where he had gone to have a loose
tooth drawn, little Raymond reported as follows:
"The doctor told me 'fore he began that if I cried or screamed it
would cost me a dollar, but if I was a good boy it would be only fifty
cents."
"Did you scream?" his mother asked.
"How could I?" answered Raymond. "You only gave me fifty cents."

Mr. Harkins had taken his boy, aged ten, to have an offending molar
tooth drawn. When the job had been accomplished, the dentist said: "I
am sorry, sir, but I shall have to charge you five dollars for pulling
that tooth."
"Five dollars!" exclaimed Mr.


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