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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

Harkins, in dismay. "Why, I understood
you to say that you charged only one dollar for such work!"
"Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly
that he scared four other patients out of the office."--_Harper's_.


DEPARTMENT STORES

"I want some shoe-strings, some hairpins, a pair of gloves, and a
tooth-brush," the woman said. "I have to catch a train, and have but a
few minutes."
"Yes, madam!" the floorwalker replied briskly. "That's the beauty of a
department store-get anything you want, right under the one roof! Take
elevator to eleventh floor, shoe department, eight aisles to the
right from the main passageway, for shoe-strings; hairpins in notions
department, east side of basement, three aisles beyond hardware;
gloves in women's wear, fifth floor of annex, reached by passageway
over street; toothbrush in drugs and toilet-articles department, on
balcony, reached by moving stairway, which you will find on your right
as you pass the fountain in the florist shop in the center of the main
floor."


DESTINATION

Where'er I go, in this far land,
The people wish to understand
Where I am going. If I knew
They would not think my answer true;
And if I said I did not know
They would advise me not to go.


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