DIAGNOSIS
FRIEND--"What is the first thing you do when a man presents himself to
you for consultation?"
DOCTOR--"I ask him if he has a car."
FRIEND--"What do you learn from that?"
DOCTOR--"If he has one, I know he is wealthy--and if he hasn't, I know
he is healthy."
Starting with a wonderful burst of oratory, the great evangelist had,
after two hours' steady preaching, become rather hoarse.
A little boy's mother in the congregation whispered to her son, "Isn't
it wonderful? What do you think of him?"
"He needs a new needle," returned the boy sleepily.
The telephone rang and the bookkeeper answered it.
"Yes, madam, this is Wilkins's market."
"This is Mrs. Blank. I want you to know that the liver you sent me is
most unsatisfactory. It is not calf's liver at all; calf's liver is
tender and----"
"Just a moment, madam, and I'll call the proprietor."
"What is it?" Wilkins asked.
The bookkeeper surrendered the phone.
"Mrs. Blank," he said. "Liver Complaint."
Axel, a Swede in an outfit at Fort Jay, woke up one morning with a
desire to loaf. He got put on sick-call, thinking it was worth trying,
anyway. At the dispensary the "doc." looked him over, felt his pulse,
and took his temperature.
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