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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


"Nurse says," he sobbed, "that Paddy has been run over and killed."
"But, dear, I told you that at dinner, and you didn't seem to be
troubled at all."
"No; but--but I didn't know you said Paddy. I--I thought you said
daddy!"

PUP--"Great cats; That's a nerve! Somebody has put up a building right
where I buried a bone!"--_Puck_.

_See also_ Dachshunds.


DOMESTIC FINANCE

LITTLE TOMMY--"What does 'close quarters' mean, Ma?"
WEARY MOTHER--"It's a definition of my trying to get twenty-five cents
from your father."

"Ma, what does the 'home-stretch' mean?"
"Making a fifteen-dollar-a-week allowance go around, my son."

WIFE--"Ta-ta, dearie; I'll write before the end of the week."
HUSBAND--"Good gracious, Alice, you must make that check last longer
than that!"

"Dearie," said the young married man, "I have to go to New York on
business. It will only take a day or so and I hope you won't miss me
too much while I'm gone, but--"
"I won't," answered his young wife, positively, "because I'm going
with you."
"I wish you could, dear, but it won't be convenient this time. What
would you want to go for, anyhow? I'm going to be too busy to be with
you, and--"
"I have to go.


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