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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

I need clothes."
"But, darling--you can get all the clothes you want right here on
Euclid Avenue."
"Thank you. That's all I wanted."

"I'm just waiting for my husband to complain about my extravagance
this month."
"Ready to give him an argument, eh?"
"You bet I am. By mistake his golf-club checks came to the house, and
I've got 'em."

"You are not economical," said the infuriated husband.
"Well," flashed his wife, "if you don't call a woman economical who
saves her wedding dress for a possible second marriage, I'd love to
know just what you do call economy."

"But your fiance has such a small salary, how are you going to live?"
"Oh, we're going to economize. We're going to do without such a lot of
things that Jack needs."

"Are you an expert accountant," asked the prospective employer.
"Yes, sir," said the applicant.
"Your written references seem to be all right, but tell me more about
yourself."
"Well, my wife kept a household account for thirty days. One night
after supper I sat down and in less than an hour found out how much we
owed our grocer."
"Hang up your hat and coat," said the employer with a glad smile. "The
job is yours."

HE--"My dear, I've warned you before, and now I must insist that we
try to live within our income.


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