"
WIFEY (coldly)--"No, it wasn't, it was the day breaking."
DUTCH
BIX--"I see there's a report from Holland that concrete bases for
German cannon have been found there."
DIX--"Don't believe a word you hear from Holland. The geography says
it is a low, lying country."
DYSPEPSIA
_Joy of Eating_
A well-known banker in a down-town restaurant was eating mush and
milk.
"What's the matter?" inquired a friend.
"Got dyspepsia."
"Don't you enjoy your meals?"
"Enjoy my meals?" snorted the indignant dyspeptic. "My meals are
merely guide-posts to take medicine before or after."
"Dyspepsia seldom kills anyone," said Akinside, "but--"
"No," returned old Festus Pester. "It makes them so talkative that
everybody else wants to kill them."
EATING
_If We Didn't Have To Eat_
Life would be an easy matter
If we didn't have to eat.
If we never had to utter,
"Won't you pass the bread and butter,
Likewise push along that platter
Full of meat?"
Yes, if food were obsolete
Life would be a jolly treat,
If we didn't--shine or shower,
Old or young, 'bout every hour--
Have to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat--
'Twould be jolly if we didn't have to eat.
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