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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


Eighth--It is none of my business what you do at night. But if
dissipation affects what you do the next day, and you do half as much
as I demand, you'll last half as long as you hoped.
Ninth--Don't tell me what I'll like to hear, but what I ought to hear.
I don't want a valet for my pride, but one for my purse.
Tenth--Don't kick if I kick. If you're worth while correcting, you're
worth while keeping. I don't waste time cutting specks out of rotten
apples.
--_The Rotarian_.

One of the bosses at Baldwin's Locomotive Works had to lay off an
argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting
the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week
later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at
his lathe. Then, the following colloquy occurred:
"Didn't you get my letter?"
"Yis, sur, Oi did," said Pat.
"Did you read it?"
"Sure, sur, Oi read it inside and Oi read it outside," said Pat,
"and on the inside yez said I was fired and on the outside yez said:
'Return to Baldwin Locomotive Works in five days.'"

"Well, George," said the president of the company to old George, "how
goes it?"
"Fair to middlin', sir," George answered.


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