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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

' Thus we
have Afghanistan--the place of the Afghans; also Hindustan--the place
of the Hindus. Can any one give me another example?"
Nobody appeared very anxious to do so, until little Johnny Snaggs, the
joy of his mother and the terror of the cats, said proudly--
"Yes, sir, I can. Umbrellastan--the place for umbrellas."

He went into a shop to buy a comb. He was a man careful of other
people's grammar, and believed himself to be careful of his own.
"Do you want a narrow man's comb?" asked the assistant.
"No," answered the careful grammarian, "I want a comb for a stout man
with tortoiseshell teeth."

TEACHER--"Thomas, will you tell me what a conjunction is, and compose
a sentence containing one?"
THOMAS (after reflection)--"A conjunction is a word connecting
anything, such as 'The horse is hitched to the fence by his halter.'
'Halter' is a conjunction, because it connects the horse and the
fence."

A young man poured out a long story of adventure to a Boston girl.
Surprised, she asked:
"Did you really do that?"
"I done it," answered the proud young man. He began another narrative,
more startling than the first.
When she again expressed her surprise, he said, with inflated chest,
"I done it.


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