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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

After two or three
offenses of this kind he was taken to task by his teacher.
"Johnny," she said, "the next time you are absent I want you to bring
me an excuse from your father telling me why you were not here."
"I don't want to bring an excuse from my father," protested the boy.
"Why not?" asked the teacher, her suspicion plain.
"'Cause father isn't any good at making excuses."

In his Savannah camp Bill Donovan, baseball manager, had a dusky-hued
waiter at the hotel by the name of Sutton. Bill had to reproach Sutton
more than once for a lack of agility in arriving with the food.
Sutton promised to improve. One morning he brought in a consignment of
griddle-cakes that had gone cold.
"What do you mean," said Bill, "by bringing me in cold cakes?"
"Well, I'll tell you, boss," said Sutton. "I brung them cakes in so
fast that I guess they hit a draft."

A country school-master had two pupils, to one of whom he was partial,
and to the other severe. One morning it happened that these two boys
were late, and were called up to account for it.
"You must have heard the bell, boys; why did you not come?"
"Please, sir," said the favorite, "I was dreaming that I was going to
Margate, and I thought the school-bell was the steam-boat-bell.


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