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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


"I know a woman whose dressmaker sent home the other day a skirt
that was, really, too short altogether. The woman put it on. It was
becoming enough, dear knows, but it made her feel ashamed. She entered
the library, and her husband looked up from his work with a dark
frown.
"'I wonder,' she said, with an embarrassed laugh, 'if these
ultra-short skirts will ever go out?'
"'They'll never go out with me,' he answered in decided tones."

Those reform preachers who designed the moral gown for women did a
good job. Now to design a woman who will wear it.

FAIR CUSTOMER (to salesman displaying modern bathing suit)--"And
you're sure this bathing suit won't shrink?"
SALESMAN--"No, miss; it has nowhere to shrink to."

POLICEMAN--"Lost yer mammy, 'ave yer? Why didn't yer keep hold of her
skirt?"
LITTLE ALFRED--"I cou--cou--couldn't reach it."

When ladies wore their dresses very low and very short, a wit observed
that "they began too late and ended too soon."

FAIR CUSTOMER--"I'd like to try on that one over there."
SALESMAN--"I'm sorry, madam, but that is the lampshade."

The Fifth Avenue Bus having stopped, the lady at the top of the stairs
was slow in descending.


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