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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"
"And why should that make you so sad?"
"The other man apologized."

"Johnny, it was very wrong for you and the boy next door to fight."
"We couldn't help it, father."
"Could you not have settled your differences by a peaceful discussion
of the matter, calling in the assistance of unprejudiced opinion, if
need be?"
"No, father. He was sure he could whip me and I was sure I could whip
him, and there was only one way to find out."

"So you've been fighting again! Didn't you stop and spell your names,
as I told you?"
"Y-yes; we did--but my name's Algernon Percival, an' his is
Jim!"--_Judge_.


FINANCE

"Dad," said little Reginald, "what is a bucket-shop?"
"A bucket-shop, my son," said the father, feelingly, "a bucket-shop
is a modern cooperage establishment to which a man takes a barrel and
brings back the bung-hole."--_Puck_.

"Dad," said the financier's son, running into his father's office,
"lend me six hundred."
"What for, my boy?"
"I've got a sure tip on the market."
"How much shall we make out of it?" asked the old man cautiously.
"A couple of hundred sure," replied the boy eagerly. "That's a hundred
each."
"Here's your hundred," said his father.


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