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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"


FOREIGNERS

TEACHER--"Who was the first man?"
HEAD SCHOLAR--"Washington; he was first in war, first in--"
TEACHER--"No, no; Adam was the first man."
HEAD SCHOLAR-"Oh! if you're talking of foreigners, I s'pose he was."


FORESIGHT

"Are you going to pay any attention to these epithets that are being
hurled at you?"
"Yes, indeed," answered Senator Sorghum. "I'm having them all
carefully copied and filed away. I may need them when it comes my turn
to call names."

"Now, then, my hearties," said the gallant captain, "you have a tough
battle before you. Fight like heroes till your powder is gone; then
run. I'm a little lame, and I'll start now."


FORGETFULNESS

_See_ Memory.


FORTUNE HUNTERS

"This bill was innocent on its face, but beneath there lurked a most
sinister significance."
The speaker, Senator Clarke, was discussing in Little Rock a measure
of which he disapproved.
"The bill reminded me, in fact," he said, "of a Little Rock, urchin's
question. His question, innocent enough in appearance, dear knows, was
this:
"'Would you mind making a noise like a frog, uncle?'"
"'And why,' said the uncle, with an amused smile, 'why, Tommy, do you
desire me to make a noise like a frog?'"
"'Because,' replied the urchin, 'whenever I ask daddy to buy me
anything he always says, 'Wait till your uncle croaks.


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