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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"



I announce myself unblushingly and with perfect confidence. Nobody has
anything on me.
Nobody can ever supplant me in the affections and desires of men. I am
supreme mogul of the universe.
Everybody is working for me. Asking nothing for myself, all men expect
everything of me. I withhold nothing and grant as little as I like.
Men may doubt fire and the stars, but not me.
Nobody ever saw me, yet I am the one reality. Nobody knows anything
about me. So long as time shall last my secret is safe. Yet I am
ever on the lips of men. My name is lisped by the toddling infant and
chortled by hoary-headed sages.
I am the one that you will eventually disown.
I am _tomorrow_.

_Tomorrow Never Arrives_
Always lookin' forward to an easy-goin' time,
When the world seems movin' careless like a bit of idle rime;
A day when there is nothin' that kin make you sigh or fret;
Always lookin' forward--but I haven't seen it yet.


FUTURE LIFE

Mr. Tarzon Jones was sitting down to breakfast one morning when he was
astounded to see in the paper an announcement of his own death.
He rang up his friend Howard Smith at once. "Halloa, Smith!" he said.
"Have you seen the announcement of my death in the paper?"
"Yes," replied Smith.


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