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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"
"What are you going to call it?"
"A village street as seen from the rear seat of a motorcycle."


GAMBLING

"Look, mother," said Bobbie, exhibiting a handful of marbles, "I won
all those from Willie Smith."
"Why, Bobbie!" exclaimed his mother; "don't you know it's wicked to
play marbles for 'keeps'? Go right over to his house and give back
every one."
"Yes, mother," said the boy obediently; "and shall I take that vase
you won at Mrs. Jones' whist party, and give it back to her?"

"It's just as wrong to gamble when you win as when you lose."
"Yassuh," asserted Mr. Erastus Pinkley. "De immorality is jes' as
great, but de inconvenience ain't."

PROFESSOR--"Now I put the number seven on the board. What number
immediately comes into your mind?"
CLASS (in unison)--"Eleven!"--_Burr_.

SAM--"Ah done heard dat dey fine' Columbus's bones."
EZRA--"Lawd! Ah never knew dat he wuz a gamblin' man."


GARAGES

"What do they sell in that last garage besides gasoline, father?"
"'Besides,' my son? You mean 'instead of.'"--_Life_.


GARDENING

"I suppose you are going to raise potatoes in your garden?"
"I was, but when I read the directions for planting I found that it
would be impossible.


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