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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"

Mrs. Robinson was an extremely careful mother and had repeatedly
cautioned her six-year-old daughter against handling any object that
might contain germs. One day the little girl came in and said:
"Mother, I am never going to play with my puppy any more, because he
has germs on him."
"Oh, no!" replied her mother. "There are no germs on your puppy."
"Yes, there are," insisted the child. "I saw one hop."--_Life_.


GIFTS

When the captain of the fire department was about to resign, his men
banded together and purchased an elaborate, embossed silver horn to
present to him at a meeting in the town hall. The fireman who
was chosen to make the presentation practiced his speech for days
beforehand. The chief, who had been informed of what was to happen,
also practiced his speech of acceptance. They rehearsed together and
were "letter perfect" when they mounted the platform in the town hall.
The throng which confronted them had, however, a disastrous effect.
Holding the horn at arm's length, the fireman stalked across the
platform and with a ghastly expression on his face, said:
"Well, Bill, here's your horn!"
The chief rose slowly to his feet and gasped: "Hell! Is that it?"

Not what we give, but what we share,
For the gift without the giver is bare.


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