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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

She was assured that papa,
mama, and God would watch over her. She was settled in the berth at
last and the passengers were quiet for the night, when a small voice
piped:
"Mama!"
"Yes, dear."
"You there?"
"Yes, I'm here. Now go to sleep."
"Papa, you there?"
"Yes, I'm here. Go to sleep like a good girl."
This continued at intervals for some time until a fellow passenger
lost patience and called:
"We're all here! Your father and mother and brothers and sisters and
uncles and aunts and first cousins. All here. Now go to sleep!"
There was a brief pause after this explosion. Then the tiny voice
piped up again, but very softly:
"Mama!"
"Well?"
"Was that God?"


GOLF

FIRST NEWSBOY--"Chimmie's got a job as caddie for a golf club. Is dere
much money in dat?"
SECOND DITTO--"De salary ain't much, but dey makes a lot extra backin'
up fellers when dey lies about de scores dey made."

An Irishman was suddenly struck by a golf-ball.
"Are you hurt?" asked the player. "Why didn't you get out of the way?"
"An' why should I get out of the way?" asked Pat. "I didn't know there
was any assassins round here."
"But I called 'fore,'" said the player, "and when I say 'fore,' that
is a sign for you to get out of the way.


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