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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


Look before you cheat.
Every water hole has a silver lining--ask the boat boy.
To stymie is human; to lift up divine.
Half a stroke is better than none.
He laughs last who putts best.
When in doubt, hole out.

Two golf fiends--an Englishman and a Scot--were playing a round
together. After the first hole the Englishman asked:
"How many did you take?"
"Eight," replied the Scot.

"Oh, I only took seven, so it's my hole!" exclaimed the Englishman,
triumphantly.
After the second hole the Englishman put the same question again. But
the Scot smiled knowingly.
"Na, na, ma man," said he; "it's ma turn tae ask first!"


GOSSIP

"They say--"
"Who say?"
"Oh, all the people who don't matter."

"Germany's attitude toward peace is ominous," said General Laurin
Lawson at a luncheon in Louisville."
"Germany reminds me, in fact, of the new parlor-maid whose mistress
said to her:"
"'And above all things, I expect you to be reticent.'"
"'Yes, ma'am, certainly, of course, ma'am,' said the new maid."
"Then she leaned toward her mistress with shining eyes."
"'And what's there to be reticent about, ma'am?' she asked."

"Now this is a secret and you mustn't tell anybody.


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