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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"I've just been taking a few moving pictures of life
on your farm," he said.
"Have you?" the old farmer responded. "And did you catch my hired man
in motion?"
"Sure I did," the man assured him.
"You did!" the farmer exclaimed. Then he shook his head reflectively.
"Well, well," he remarked, "science is a wonderful thing."


LEAGUE OF NATIONS

"Why do you object to the League of Nations?"
"On musical grounds. After singing 'My Country, 'Tis of Thee,' all
these years, I don't want the mental effort of changing to 'Our
Countries, Tis of Those.'"

FOR SALE--"League of Nations." Several pages missing; binding gone in
spots. Damaged by fire and water. Valuable historical document. Author
now unknown. As is.


LEAP YEAR

_A Modern Leap-Year Song_
Ah, me! why should I marry me?
Lovers are plenty, but fortunes are few
Why lose wages that carry me
Better by far than a husband could do?
Fond youth, calmly I'm viewing you,
Steeling a heart that might flutter and throb:
I've no thought of pursuing you;
Poverty's stupid--I'll stick to my job.


LEFT HANDEDNESS

Pat, who was left-handed, was being sworn in as a witness in the West
Side Court of Denver, Colo.


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