"Well, I'm glad you took it back," replied the other party, as they
shook.--_A. E. Sweet_.
_See also_ Husband; Real estate agents; Regrets.
LIBERTY BONDS
"We accept Liberty Bonds at their full value for all goods."
Thus reads a placard in the window of a wholesale liquor house. We
have often wondered what the height of damphoolishness might be,
having tried various things, but there it is: Exchanging a Liberty
Bond for booze.
LIBRARIANS
_The Reference Librarian_
At times behind a desk he sits,
At times about the room he flits--
Folks interrupt his perfect ease
By asking questions such as these:
"How tall was prehistoric man?"
"How old, I pray, was Sister Ann?"
"Perhaps," commented her husband's bookish friend, "you should be
thankful you did not find him with his nose in 'The Inside of the
Cup!'"
"What should one do if cats have fits?"
"What woman first invented mitts?"
"Who said 'To labor is to pray?'"
"How much did Daniel Lambert weigh?"
"Don't you admire E. P. Roe?"
"What is the fare to Kokomo?"
"Have you a life of Sairy Gamp?"
"Can you lend me a postage-stamp?"
"Have you the rimes of Edward Lear?"
"What wages do they give you here?"
"What dictionary is the best?"
"Did Brummell wear a satin vest?"
"How do you spell 'anemic,' please?"
"What is a Gorgonzola cheese?"
"Who ferried souls across the Styx?"
"What is the square of 96?"
"Are oysters good to eat in March?"
"Are green bananas full of starch?"
"Where is that book I used to see?"
"I guess you don't remember me?"
"Haf you Der Hohenzollernspiel?"
"Where shall I put this apple peel?"
"Ou est, m'sie, la grand Larousse?"
"Do you say 'two-spot,' or 'the deuce'?"
"Come, find my book--why make a row?"
"A _red_ one--can't you find it _now_?"
"Please, which is right? to 'lend' or 'loan'?"
"Say, mister, where's the telephone?"
"How _do_ you use this catalog?"
"Oh, hear that noise! Is that my dog?"
"Have you a book called 'Shapes of Fear'?"
"You mind if I leave baby here?"
--_Edmund Lester Pearson_
It was at the public library.
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