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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


"Gracious, but it is hot in here!" he remarked to a man in his shirt
sleeves, who was mopping his face with a handkerchief.
"Some," was the terse reply of the man, who was no other than the
famous editor himself.
"What are all those flowers, straw hats and palm-leaf fans scattered
about for?"
"Oh, to give a touch of realism;--we are now preparing our
great Midsummer Fiction Number," was the great editor's kindly
reply.--_E.C.H_.


MAJORITY

"You don't mean to tell me you ever doubt the wisdom of the majority?"
"Well," responded Senator Sorghum with deliberation, "what is a
majority? In many instances it is only a large number of people who
have got tired out trying to think for themselves and have decided to
accept somebody else's opinion."


MARKSMANSHIP

"Why do you compare my marksmanship with lightning?" asked the
recruit.
"Because," replied the instructor, "it never hits twice in the same
place."

OFFICER (to recruit)--"Goodness gracious, man, where are all your
shots going? Every one has missed the target."
SOLDIER (nervously)--"I don't know, sir. They left here all right."


MARRIAGE

"Hubby, if I were to die would you marry again?"
"That question is hardly fair, my dear.


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