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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"
"Age?"
"I'se twenty-seven years old, sah."
"Married?"
"No, sah. Dat scar on mah haid is whar a mule done kicked me."

If marriage is a lottery,
As saw smiths often say,
The lucky gambler is, of course,
The one who doesn't play.
--_Tennyson J. Daft_.

At the wedding reception the young man remarked: "Wasn't it annoying
the way that baby cried during the whole ceremony?"
"It was simply dreadful," replied the prim little maid of honor; "and
when I get married I'm going to have engraved right in the corner of
the invitations: 'No babies expected.'"

"The man who gives in when he is wrong," said the street orator, "is a
wise man; but he who gives in when he is right is--"
"Married!" said a meek voice in the crowd.

Mrs. Killifer desired that the picture be hung to the right of the
door; Mr. Killifer wanted it hung to the left. For once the husband
proved to be the more insistent of the two, and Henry, the colored
man, was summoned to hang the picture according to Mr. Killifer's
order.
Henry drove in a nail on the left. This done, he also drove one in the
wall on the right.
"Why are you driving that second nail?" asked Mr. Killifer.
"Why, boss, dat's to save me de trouble of bringin' de ladder tomorrow
when you come round to de missus's way of thinkin'," said Henry.


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