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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"



Mr. Brown met Mr. Jones on the street.
"Any news, Brown?" asked Jones.
"Nothing special. I've just been reading the Sunday paper. And I find
one peculiar thing in it that may be news to you."
"What is it?"
"The Sunday paper says that women in ancient Egypt used to act as
they pleased, live as they pleased, and dress as they pleased, without
regard to what the men thought. Lucky we don't live in those times,
what?"
"Mr. Brown, are you married?"
"What has that got to do with it? As a matter of fact, I'm not."
"I thought not."

"She calls her dog and her husband by the same pet name. It must cause
frequent confusion."
"Not at all. She always speaks gently to the dog."

"Pa, a man's wife is his better half, isn't she?"
"We are told so, my son."
"Then if a man marries twice there isn't anything left of him, is
there?"

_How the Row Started_
MR. BROWN--"I had a queer dream last night, my dear. I thought I saw
another man running off with you."
MRS. BROWN--"And what did you say to him?"
MR. BROWN--"I asked him what he was running for."

Uncle Josh was comfortably lighting his pipe in the living-room one
evening when Aunt Maria glanced up from her knitting.


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