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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"

FIRST PASSENGER--"I understand that your city has the rottenest
political ring in the country."
SECOND PASSENGER--"That's right. But how did you know where I'm from?"
FIRST PASSENGER--"I don't."

PROSECUTING ATTORNEY (investigating election fund)--"Dave, what
happened to you before you reached the polls?"
DAVE (an old negro)--"Well suh, the fust thing, suh, a man stopped me
an' said: 'Dave, heah's four dollahs; I want you to go right down to
de polls an' vote for Mr. Brown; he's the Republican candidate for
Congress and a very fine man.'"
PROSECUTOR--"Did you take the money?"
DAVE--"O, yassir, I took de money. And then, as I wuz goin' on down de
street another man stops me and says: 'Dave, heah's seven dollahs; I
want you to go right down to de polls an' vote for Mr. Rogers; he's
the Democratic nominee for Congress and a very fine man.'"
PROSECUTOR--"Did you take that money, too, Dave?"
DAVE--"O, yassir, I took dat money, too, suh."
PROSECUTOR--"Then, Dave, how did you vote?"
DAVE--"Well, suh, after speculatin' quite a spell, suh, as to what a
niggah ought to do in a case ob dat kind, suh, I walks right into de
polls and votes de straight Republican ticket, suh, 'cause I figgered,
suh, dat dis here Republican man, he war de least corrupt ob de two.


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