I spoke before an audience once, but most of it went before I
did."
A lank, disconsolate-looking farmer, stood on the steps of the town
hall during the progress of a political meeting.
"Do you know who's talking in there now?" demanded a stranger,
briskly, pausing for a moment beside the farmer. "Or are you just
going in?"
"No, sir; I've just come out," said the farmer, decidedly.
"Congressman Smiffkins is talking in there."
"What about?" asked the stranger.
"Well," continued the countryman, passing a knotted hand across his
forehead, "he didn't say."
"You haven't had much to say lately," commented the old friend.
"True," replied Senator Sorghum. "But you must give me credit for one
thing--I realized the fact and kept still."
Captain "Ian Hay," on one of his war lecture tours, entered a barber's
shop in a small town to have his hair cut.
"Stranger in the town, sir?" the barber asked.
"Yes, I am," Ian Hay replied. "Anything going on here tonight?"
"There's a war lecture by an English fighter named Hay," said the
barber: "but if you go you'll have to stand, for every seat in the
hall is sold out."
"Well, now," said Ian Hay, "isn't that provoking? It's always my luck
to have to stand when that Hay chap lectures.
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