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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


"Don't you ever feel sick going up and down in this elevator all day?"
she asked.
"Yes, ma'am," said the boy.
"Is it the motion going down?"
"No, ma'am."
"The motion going up?"
"No, ma'am."
"Is it the stopping that does it?"
"No, ma'am."
"Then what is it?"
"Answering questions, ma'am."

"My father and I know everything in the world," said a small boy to
his companion.
"All right," said the latter. "Where's Asia?"
It was a stiff question, but the little fellow answered coolly: "That
is one of the questions my father knows."

Owen Wister, the novelist, apropos of useless questions, once told of
a man who stood before a mirror in his room, his face lathered and an
open razor in his hand. His wife came in. She looked at him and said,
"Are you shaving?" The man, a foe to surplusage, replied fiercely,
"No; I am blacking the kitchen range. Where are you--out driving or at
a four-o'clock tea?"

_See also_ Curiosity.


RADICALS

A radical is a man without a sense of humor; a conservative is one
without a sense of the ridiculous.


RAILROADS

"Where's the president of this railroad?" asked the man who called at
the general offices.


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