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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"



"Conductor!" shouted a passenger on the back-country train.
"That was my station, sir! Why didn't you stop?"
"We don't stop there any longer," said the conductor. "You see, the
engineer is mad with the station agent!"

"Now will this train reach its destination on time?"
"We hope so, but we don't guarantee it."
"You mean you sell me a ticket to get to a certain place by a certain
time and then you give me no assurance I'll be there at that time?"
"That's about it."
"Well, I'll take the ticket. But I'll get even! I won't guarantee I'll
be here when your darned old unguaranteed train is ready to start, so
I won't!"

"We are twenty minutes late," remarked the passenger. "Will we make it
up before we reach New York?"
"No, sah; no, sah," answered the porter. "No, sah. The engineer and
fireman get time and a half for overtime."


READING

_See_ Books and reading


REAL ESTATE

"It is very strange that no one has ever been able to find Captain
Kidd's treasure."
"Oh, well, Captain Kidd isn't the only man who has put his money into
real estate and couldn't get it out."


REAL ESTATE AGENTS

STEVE--"That Smith guy of the Meadow Bottom Development Company has
got the fastest car in this neck of the country.


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