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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

He left on
account of illness--my illness."

"Have you any references?" inquired the lady of the house.
"Yis, mum, lots of thim," answered the prospective maid.
"Then why did you not bring some of them with you?"
"Well, mum, to tell the troot, they're just loike my photygraphs. None
of thim don't do me justice."

Here is a letter of recommendation given by a butcher to a former
employee:
"Whomsoefer is de boss--
"Dear Sir--Dis is to testify dot Hans Snyder vorked for me von week.
Ven he left I was perfectly satisfied."


RECRUITING

POLICEMAN (rounding up draft suspects)--"Have you got a card?"
THE SUSPECTED ONE (with suitcase)--"A whole case of 'em! Which do you
want to see--draft, registration, meat, sugar, calling, milk, playing,
or postal-card?"--_Judge_.

"Before I left the United States," said Col. George Harvey recently in
London, "I agreed with a Columbia professor who said preponderant power
in men and money was bound to win the war; but now I have a stronger
argument--one which fell from the lips of a recruiting-sergeant in the
Strand yesterday.
"'Don't you want to be on the winning side?' said the soldier to a
group of civilians who he was suggesting should don khaki.


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