"--_Punch_.
_See also_ Conscription.
RED TAPE
America consumes more red dye than any other color. This, as you are
aware, is the color chosen for government tape in Washington.
REGRETS
_Who Am I?_
I am frequently most potent in the morning, but I am willing to abide
with you at any time.
I am what you feel if you get married or if you do not get married.
I am what the after-dinner speaker says he feels because he came
unprepared, and what the listeners show they feel without saying it.
I come to you when youth leaves you.
I am yours when that sarcastic person drops a remark which you cannot
fittingly answer, and I am doubled when you are later alone and think
of just the brilliant retort you should have given.
I am what overwhelms you when you suffer an overwhelming financial
loss.
I am the vainest of the vain.
I am regret!
MRS. EXE--"Here's an invitation from Mrs. Boreleigh to one of her
tiresome dinners. I hate them."
EXE--"Why not plead that you have a previous engagement?"
MRS. EXE--"That would be a lie. Edith dear, write Mrs. Boreleigh that
we accept with pleasure."
RELATIVES
"Have you any relatives living in the country?"
"No; whenever we take a vacation we have to pay our own board.
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