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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"

BESSIE--"The doctor says mamma must take a constitutional every
morning. What's that mean?"
BOBBY--"That means walking."
BESSIE--"Then why didn't he say walk?"
BOBBY--"I don't know, but I guess maybe if he called it that he
couldn't charge for it."


REMINDERS

HE (to wife who is off for the beach)--"Now, don't forget me, dear."
SHE--"As if I could, Jack. The surf at night sounds just like you
snoring."

The late Horace Hutton used to say that having to take a little
trouble would impress a fact on any one's memory so that he would
never be able to forget it. In illustration he would tell this story:
"Our waitress, Maggie, could never remember to put salt on the table,
and time after time Mrs. Hutton would remind her to do it. One
morning it was absent, as usual, and I said, 'Maggie, where is the
stepladder?'
"'It's in the pantry, sir!'
"'Please bring it in, Maggie,' I said kindly.
"Maggie brought it in with a look of wonder on her face.
"'Put it right beside the table,' I commanded, and when she had done
so I added: 'Now, I want you to climb up to the top of it, look all
over the table and see if there is any salt there.'
"Maggie never forgot the salt again.


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