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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


A fat man on her left was the recipient of a particularly vicious jab.
She yelled at him, "Say!"
He winced slightly and moved to one side.
She, too, sidestepped and thumped him vigorously on the back.
"Say!" she persisted, "does it make any difference which of these cars
I take to Greenwood Cemetery?"
"Not to me, madam," he answered, slipping through an opening in the
crowd.

AUSTRALIAN SOLDIER (to American)--"You Yanks think you've done a lot,
but you forget we Australians have been at the game for four years."
"Well, what have you done, anyway?"
"Done? We've been at Gallipoli, Mesopotamia, the plains of Bethlehem,
and--"
"The plains of Bethlehem?"
"Yes; I slept a week there myself."
"Well, I guess that was a busy week for the shepherds watching their
flocks!"

Once in a while the choirs do get back at the minister, as, for
example, in a Connecticut church the other Sunday morning. The
minister announced, just after the choir had sung its anthem, as his
text, "Now when the uproar had ceased." But the singers bided their
time patiently, and when the sermon was over, rose and rendered in
most melodious fashion another anthem beginning, "Now it is high time
to awake after sleep.


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