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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"

"But, my dear," said his wife, after he had complained about the food
the new cook had brought in. "You know during these terrible times it
is absolutely necessary that we make great sacrifices."
"Oh, of course, but what I object to is that cook's making hers in the
form of a burnt offering."


SAFETY

Throughout the trial the Englishman, whose crimes had been many and
black, bore himself with an air of complete indifference and received
the sentence of the supreme penalty with a bored yawn. After he had
been led on to the scaffold and just as the hood and noose were about
to be placed over his head, the attendant priest, still persisting
in his attempts to awaken penitence, in spite of the doomed man's
deafness to his prayers, asked him again for a final statement.
The prisoner's gaze wandered to the noose and rested there
meditatively. Suddenly he turned to the priest:
"See here, old chap," he demanded, "is this thing perfectly safe?"

Mark Twain once sat in the smoking room of a steamer and listened
for an hour to some remarkable stories. Then he drawled, "Boys, these
feats of yours that you've been telling about recall an adventure of
my own in Hannibal.


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