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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

There was a fire in Hannibal one night, and Old
Man Hankinson got caught in the fourth story of the burning house. It
looked as if he was a goner. None of the ladders was long enough to
reach him. The crowd stared at one another with awed eyes. Nobody
could think of anything to do.
"Then all of a sudden, boys, an idea occurred to me. 'Fetch a rope!' I
yelled.
"Somebody fetched a rope, and with great presence of mind I flung the
end of it up to the old man. 'Tie her round your waist!' I yelled. Old
Man Hankinson did so, and I pulled him down."

OLD LADY (to motorman on her first drive on an electric car)--"Would
it be dangerous, conductor, if I was to put my foot on the rail?"
MOTORMAN (an Edison man)--"No, mum, not unless you was to put the
other one on the overhead wire."


SALARIES

"And about the salary?" said the movie star.
"Well," said the manager after a moment's thought, "suppose we call it
$5,000 a week?"
"All right."
"Of course, you understand that the $5,000 is merely what we call
it--you will get $500."

Salary--something paid to you for what you do.
Income--something paid to you for what your father did.

"How do you know that Blinks has had a raise in salary?"
"He argues that the world is getting better; that the danger from
monopolies has been greatly magnified, and that human nature isn't so
bad, after all.


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